My Dearest Sookie:
I realize you deserve a letter from the hand of a poet, but I humbly ask that you accept this letter from the hand of a warrior instead. I have been very confused for very long, and it was almost comedic how that witch made me face my confusion in a way that left me open to finally realize and understand what I need and what I want. What I need is you. What I want is to make you happy.
I must confess that the moment I first saw you is embedded in my memory as the start of all this confusion, but please know that it wasn’t your fault. It was mine; it was all mine. You are so beautiful, and all I could do that first time I saw you was lust after you. There was no regard for the wonderful person you are, and perhaps it had to do with how world-weary I have become. I have been on this earth for so long; I have taken so much to satisfy my hungers; I have fought and won so many battles; but everything is just more of the same, over and over, the same struggle with different people. Maybe I am jaded. I know that my past behavior hurt you, and you say you have forgiven me, but once again I must ask for your forgiveness for all the wrongs I’ve caused you from the moment I first saw you.
I don’t think I ever thanked you properly for staying with my maker during his last moments. I could feel my heart breaking at the same time that he left this world, and the only comfort I had was that I knew you had remained by his side. You were the only one, the only human, I would have ever trusted to keep her word. Godric wasn’t alone because you would not leave, and for that I am deeply grateful. That morning, only one of two things would have stopped my grief: my maker returning, or you visiting me and comforting me. I settled for a daydream of you. I wished with all my might that you would come, and my mind conjured up the beautiful dream. You, my Sookie, you came to me and kissed my tears. You stayed beside me too, like you had stayed beside Godric. I so wanted to kiss you then, so, so much.
Daydreaming about you became like a hobby for me. I even imagined it was me who came to comfort you when Bill left you. I wished you could read my mind so that I could share my memories with you, the memories of my land and my past when it used to be peaceful. I have kissed you so many times, and shared so many things with you already, all in my mind. I realize it isn’t fair. You should be part of my reality, not my dreams. I should share all these things with words and deeds instead of hoping that you can read my mind.
Again I ask you to forgive me for being the catalyst during your break-up with Bill. It was petty of me to tell you the truth about him in the way that I did, and I know I could have been more tactful. That night I was so angry at him, that I wanted to see him suffer, not you. Never you, my Sookie.
Afterwards, when you disappeared, I thought the worst. I imagined you had taken your life, and I searched for you every night. Every single night I found myself back in the cemetery following your scent where it ended, driven mad by despair and missing you, missing someone that had never been mine to begin with. I could not understand it. I hid it from Pam, fearing I had lost my mind. Eventually I understood why: I was in love with you. I AM in love with you. I love you more now than ever before, and I will love you more tomorrow than I do today.
Thinking I had lost you forever, yet hoping for the best, I bought your house from your brother and restored it. If you returned, it would be ready for you. If you were lost to me forever, at least I had this one reminder, one last piece. I had nothing left of my maker, but I could have something of yours.
I cannot express in words how I felt when I realized you had returned. I had to see you. I wished to hold you. I made a mistake, like the many others I’ve made regarding you. I did not mean to scare you, but my instincts of over one thousand years took over. I wanted you to be mine and took advantage of your vulnerability. Once again, please forgive me. I showed more arrogance than I felt, and I should have been honest and told you everything from the beginning: that I had purchased your house to give it back to you; that you are the only one I ever think of; that more than wanting you to be mine, I wish that you would accept me as yours.
I beg you to please understand that I am not with you for your blood. I would like to feed exclusively from you, because the thought of feeding from someone else is repulsive, but I am willing to give up your blood forever to prove to you my sincere love. I will not give you my blood either, if you do not want it. Simply know that I wish to be yours, however you accept me. Would you like to continue being friends? I will not push you to become lovers. However, I will tell you that my own sincere wish is to love you fully, like we loved each other under the moon. I cannot forget the feel of your body against mine, how you took me inside you and made me yours. Nothing can compare with your kisses, not even the ones I imagined you gave me.
I love you, Sookie, more than I ever thought I could love another that wasn’t my child. If you take nothing else from this letter, please take that to heart. I want you to be happy. I want to make you happy. Please give me the chance.
“Sookie? Are you okay? You sound like you’re crying…” Sam said after he answered the phone.
“It’s just… my stomach is acting up really bad. I can’t make it to work. I’m so sorry,” Sookie lied. Her stomach was just fine. Her heart, however, had been jolted but good.
“No problem, Sookie. Do you need help? Do you have any food or drink?” asked Sam with worry in his voice.
“I’ll be fine, but I have to go. Thanks, Sam,” Sookie said and hung up.
Slowly she got up from bed and took a few deep breaths. Somehow she needed to calm down after the shock of reading the letter that Eric had written. Just the fact that he’d opened his heart wide open was enough to have her bawling for a good half hour, reading the letter over and over, before she gathered enough of her wits to call in sick. With shaky feet she made her way to the bathroom and took a quick shower, if only to calm her and give her some time to collect herself.
Eric’s words, written in his elegant and flawless handwriting, floated through her mind like so many promises. A love letter… how many women got love letters anymore? None that she knew. What was more, Eric had been more than sweet. How had she not known what Eric had been feeling all this time? How had he hidden it all from her? This was much more than what they had shared while he’d lost his memories. The overwhelming urge to go into his cubby and spend the rest of the day with him was making it hard for Sookie to even get dressed.
Sookie stopped halfway down the stairs and thought about what she was about to do. She felt like a weak romantic, for one, giving in to her own promise to herself to take some time to be alone. On the other hand, why deny what her heart was yearning for? Sure, Gran had told her that being alone wasn’t that bad, but Sookie had been alone for many years before meeting Bill. Did she feel like being alone again, particularly when she loved Eric so much, and he loved her back just as deeply? It made no sense to withdraw now.
“I almost had sex with him the other night,” she reasoned out loud, her voice echoing faintly from the walls inside the empty house. Except…it wasn’t empty.
She made her way down into the cubby slowly in the dark, locked it from the inside, and waited for the lights to magically turn on when she set foot at the bottom. Eric was sleeping fully clothed, ready for anything, on his back. He looked mostly dead, which was a scary thought that Sookie quickly banished.
Slowly, almost shuffling her feet, she made her way to the bed and sat very carefully, staring. Somehow, Eric looked bigger than before. Maybe not bigger, but grander, more… He just looked like more: more man, more vampire.
Sookie leaned over and stared at his sleeping face. He didn’t look as peaceful as she had imagined he would. He looked troubled, like he’d gone to sleep with a frown on his face. She brought her fingers to the junction of his eyebrows and smoothed the skin there, trying to soften the perceived frown. Her fingers then continued a slow path over his soft blond brow, then over his almost-invisible eyelashes.
“I love you too,” she whispered, her voice trembling and tears forming fresh in her eyes. The contents of Eric’s letter were still wreaking havoc with her emotions, and having him so close made her choke up again.
She wiped her tears quickly with the heel of her hand and took a few deep breaths. After all, she should be happy that the one she loved, loved her back. Something about how he had opened up his heart and the fact that she knew it had been difficult, made her see Eric in a new light. It also made her terribly sad that she had pushed him away just as he was discovering so much about himself.
Sookie lay next to him like she had done when he’d been chained. Thankfully this time he wasn’t bleeding or in pain of any sort. He smelled faintly of cologne, and of his own unique scent, and she breathed deeply and delighted. She liked his body very much: his looks, his shoulders, his height, even his smell. The way they had made love, over and over, never lacking in passion and never tiring… She snuggled closer to Eric’s cold body and closed her eyes, replaying their time together in her mind while her hand roamed over his chest.
“Sookie? Are you trying to feel me up?” Eric asked groggily, even though the smile was plain in his voice.
“No!” Sookie answered, smiling and rolling her eyes at the same time that Eric’s arms wrapped around her and brought her as close as she could possibly get with clothes on.
Eric’s tone turned more serious. “Are you okay?”
“I read your letter,” she announced and silence descended over both. For a few tense moments Sookie could imagine that Eric was regretting the letter. “Thank you for telling me everything. I came to tell you that I love you too and that I want you to be mine.”
Eric took a deep breath that lifted Sookie. He tended to do that a lot around her. “Thank you, Sookie,” he said and squeezed her before planting a soft kiss on her forehead.
“Go back to sleep, honey. I didn’t mean to wake you. I don’t want you to get the bleeds.”
“Because you don’t want to clean them?” he asked, testing the waters.
“No, because the bleeds cannot possibly be healthy for you and they most certainly look like they’re annoying at the very least. Are they painful?”
“Not really,” Eric yawned. “But I will go back to sleep if that makes you happy.”
“It will make me ecstatic,” Sookie giggled, earning herself another squeeze.
It was easy for Sookie to spend the rest of the day next to Eric. She slept for a little bit, she rummaged through his books, all the while waiting patiently for night to arrive. She forgot to eat and forgot the outside world. Today she was all Eric’s.