Chapter 8 – Try as I May

Nothing’s Gonna Change My World

I paid cover and entered Fangtasia with my head held high and my shields braced for impact.  I’d worn the white dress with red flowers again because I knew Eric would like it.  I was still a nervous wreck as I made my way to the bar.  I didn’t recognize most of the vampires, and the ones I did recognize didn’t know me for beans.  So I made like I owned the place and had every right to be there, which I did.  My boyfriend owned Fangtasia, thank you very much.

The bar was busy, but a human man was gentlemanly enough to give me his seat.  I shot him a smile and took it, ordered a white wine and got out my cell phone.  I typed a quick text and sent it into the communication ether.  About a minute and a sip of wine later I was joined by Pam.

“You look lovely,” she said, and that accent of hers came out strong and sure.  I think it had to do with her lengthened fangs.

“Thank you, Pam.  How are you?” I asked, even though I knew she would think the question odd.  Vampires don’t have variable health.  But Pam was raised in a genteel time, so I knew she would answer.

“I am better now for the sight of you,” she said and ran her tongue over a fang.  Yep!  I still had it, even with Pam.  “Eric is waiting for you in his office.  He doesn’t want to be seen out here tonight.  Come,” she said and asked for my hand.  I took my glass of wine and put my free hand in hers.  I got to say that holding hands with a petite woman felt very strange.  My thought barriers almost gave in as we walked through the crowd.  The stares alone had me reeling.  Only a fool would mess with Pam, though.  I felt perfectly safe.

In the hall that led to the office and the store room it was much easier for me to think and my shields held up without much effort.  I breathed in relief and felt my shoulders loosen.  Eric opened the door to his office before we even got close, and his smile was radiant.  I bathed in it like a cat would bathe in a ray of sunshine.  Pam let go of my hand only when she could deliver it into Eric’s waiting palm.  I felt a shot of electricity run through me the moment my skin touched his.  I decided to be nice to myself tonight without pointing out the obvious: that Eric was happy because I was happy, and why couldn’t I have been nicer to him in my previous life and see him happy all the time.  Dognabbit!

Pam followed us into the office and closed the door.  I noticed Eric wasn’t dressed for spending time in front of the bar’s patrons, but he wasn’t wearing jeans either.  He was wearing a nice pair of black slacks and a dark gray button-down shirt.  Maybe we’d go out.  Pam, on the other hand, had a pair of shiny jeans and a very tight leather jacket, with dark makeup and six inch stiletto heels… with a platform.  Good thing she was a vampire and wouldn’t suffer from those shoes.

“Have a seat, Sookie,” Eric said, pointing at a chair in front of his desk.  Pam sat on the chair next to me, and Eric took his executive chair.  We were going to talk business.

“Pam already knows you accepted my offer of employment,” Eric said, leaning back in his chair and crossing his fingers over his abdomen.  His smug smile said it all.

“I’ve looked into offices for you to work out of, something close.  You will also have to choose an assistant to help you.  I’ve been doing most of the recruiting and I can show you the ropes,” she said and patted my hand.  She seemed to think I needed it.  I had a sudden flashback of when she told me she read Dear Abby and tried to contain a giggle.

I nodded politely.  I wasn’t scared or daunted.  Whatever I didn’t know, I would learn or I would ask.  I was not happy with the way my life had been and I wanted something else.  This was the way to get what I wanted, so I would make it work.  I was not a coward about going into battle for the people I loved… but I was a coward about getting myself out of ruts.  I had realized that I didn’t love myself enough to fight for me.  Well, no more!

“That sounds great!  I already gave notice, but I can start helping out,” I said, ready, willing and able.  “Next Saturday and Sunday I’ll be moving…”

“You’re moving?” Eric asked surprised.  I hadn’t told him about it yet, but Jason and I were closing in two days and we were exchanging houses.  Part of the money that Uncle Bartlett had left me would be used for closing costs.  The rest would go to the mental hospital.  It was all ready to go.  I explained it all to Eric and Pam.

“Besides,” I added, “I don’t want to live so close to Bill.  A cemetery between our houses is hardly a long enough distance from him.”  It’s not that I hated Bill, but part of my problems had stemmed from living so close to a vampire.  Better to not to.

“Agreed,” Eric said and he still looked surprised, though I wasn’t sure why.  I shrugged and smiled.  “Do you need help?”

I blinked.  “Um… no, thanks.  My brother is having his crew help us out in exchange for beer and pizza,” I smiled.  My smile quickly faded at his face.

“His crew?” he asked as his eyebrows took a dive.

“My brother is the supervisor of a road crew for Renard Parish…” I stopped talking because Eric was shaking his head.  “What?”

“Men will be touching your things, Sookie,” Pam explained.  Obviously she could read him much easier.  I wasn’t even thinking that Eric could become jealous… not yet, anyway.

“I have no choice.  I’m not strong enough…”

“I will send help,” Eric said, as if his word was law and that was the last he would hear about the subject.

I took a deep breath… thinking, thinking.  I’d seldom seen him this jealous about me, much less about my stuff.  “Eric, would it make you feel better if they help with the non-personal stuff and I leave my personal things for you?”

He arched an eyebrow.  “What in your house is not personal?  Everything belongs to you.”

“Yeah… but they can move the kitchen stuff, the living room and the spare bedroom.  You can take care of the rest,” I suggested… the rest being my clothes and my bed.  I was still using my twin size bed, and I would continue to do so.  Gran’s bed was the one that was going into the spare bedroom.  I didn’t want any of the memories attached to it… not Bill, not Quinn, not Preston… not even Eric.

Eric thought about it without taking his eyes off me.  I honestly couldn’t have fathomed this turn of events.  To me it was a simple move.  To him it was men rutting over my stuff!  I was flattered and mad all in one.  It was becoming increasingly difficult to rein in my temper at that moment.  The more Eric thought about it the more I started to lose it.

“Deal,” he said narrowing his eyes.  And then the wicked smile that graced his lips told me there was more in his mind than just a simple move.  Fine, I’d deal with whatever he was planning later.

“Do you want to go see the offices so you can choose one?” Pam said, rolling her eyes at Eric before turning to look at me.

“Sure, that sounds great,” I said and smiled, but only at her.

Pam stood up and walked to Eric’s printer behind his desk, retrieving a piece of paper.  She told Eric quickly how to get to the offices, and then brought the paper to me.  “I would start with this one.  I think you’ll like it best.”  The picture she showed me was of a beautiful glass building in downtown Shreveport, near Market Street.  It was about ten minutes away from Fangtasia.

Eric and I left to go visit the offices, and I actually felt giddy with anticipation.  I was going to be in charge of an office, and I was going to recruit the people (humans, that is) best suited for the positions in Eric’s and Pam’s businesses.  I would be in charge, period.  When had I ever been in charge of anything?  That was one of my main problems in my previous life.  I had tried to take back charge of my life in the worst way possible.  I still couldn’t believe that I’d agreed to have my blood bond with Eric be severed by Amelia.  Granted, now I had an idea of the things that were coming at me so I could better prepare, and with that extra knowledge came wisdom… still, this was exciting and I was glad that I was able to do it.  My mind was twenty-eight years old, but my body was only twenty-six.  In other words, I was more than the sum of my parts.  I was smarter for the extra two years AND my body hadn’t been beaten up yet.  I wasn’t counting what Rene had done to me already as a beating.  That was small potatoes compared to what he had done to me in another life.

“You look beautiful, dear one,” Eric said breaking into my reverie with his smooth deep voice.

I turned to look at him and caught him stealing glances.  I smiled widely, flattered to no end.  “Thank you!  You look very handsome too,” I said and laughed.  “I’ve done just inflated your ego, didn’t I?”

Eric laughed too.  “It’s nice to know you find me attractive, since yours is the only opinion I value,” he said and waggled his eyebrows.  I reached up to touch one of them with my thumb.  He leaned into my touch closing his eyes briefly.  We were close to the first building on our list.

The Corvette pulled smoothly into a garage under the building, and I could already see myself liking the place.  A garage meant no walking in the rain and the car would stay relatively cool in the heat.  Eric took the little ticket and handed it to me, asking me to hold on to it and not forget it.  I stuck it neatly in my purse as he drove us around and around until he found an agreeable parking spot.  It had to be far, far away from other cars… boys and their toys.  We took an elevator to the lobby of the building, which boasted shiny black marble floors, shiny copper doors and elevators, and glass surfaces everywhere.  We walked to a night guard who smiled at us pleasantly, like he was expecting us.

“Mr. Northman?” the guard asked, standing up while looking for something through his desk.

“Yes,” Eric said and held out his hand.  The guard handed him an envelope and told him to go to the twelfth floor.  Eric instructed me to give the parking stub to the guard, and he did something to it and handed it back.  No need to pay for parking.

“I see why Pam said I would like this place,” I mumbled as we entered the shiny elevator and Eric hit the button.  Every surface of the place shined in some way.

“She is very excited that you will be working for us.  She has no patience recruiting humans.  I think you will be wonderful, and not just because of your gift,” Eric said and looked down at me.  He’d kept his distance so far, and I found myself not liking it at all.  I took a step sideways to get closer, and he took one to meld our sides together.  Now THAT was more like it.

I threaded my arm through his as we walked to “my” office.  The polished tiles echoed our footsteps down the hall, which was scattered with fancy double doors that led to other offices: lawyers, doctors, insurance agents.  I was already imagining walking with a cup of coffee in one hand and a briefcase in the other.  I would need to buy decent work clothes.  I had an image of Pam dressing me in a baby pink pencil skirt with a headband in the same color.

“My” office wasn’t very big, of course, but it was in a corner of the building so I had extra windows overlooking the Red River.  Everything looked beautiful from the twelfth floor.  The lights of the city were blinking back at me and I was immediately ready to start decorating.  The office had a reception area, a small room that could be used as a break room or conference room, the main office, and a bathroom.  It would be perfect.  I explored everything, then explored it again, ending up back inside the main office with its many windows.  There were vertical blinds already installed but they were open.

“Do you like it?” Eric asked, watching me from the doorway to the office.

“I love it!  This is so beautiful!” I said, still looking out the windows.

Eric moved closer and threaded his arms over my waist, pulling my back against his hard chest.  He planted a soft kiss on my bare shoulder, then another, then pulled on the strap to the dress with his teeth.  I sighed in contentment as I felt the strap come off my shoulder, and some more kisses.  “I have something to confess,” he said in a very quiet whisper as his mouth neared my ear.

“What’s that?” I asked, nearly breathless.

“I don’t usually like having feelings,” he said, and kissed the hollow between my ear and my jaw.  I remembered he’d said something similar to me, in the past, when I had been Bill’s and he’d wanted me.  Yeah… I could see he wouldn’t have liked to have feelings then, particularly when they weren’t being returned.

“But…?” I asked turning within his arms and wrapping my own arms around his waist.

“I’m sorry about my jealousy.”  He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.  I knew he wasn’t going to speak about it.  He didn’t like to feel vulnerable.  That was fine with me, though, and he needed to understand that I would not hold that against him.

“I know you,” I said, looking into his eyes.  “You can be like this with me while we’re alone, and do what you need to do when we’re not.”

Eric remained silent, caressing my hair and studying my face by the light of the city beyond us.  “I do believe I know you too,” he whispered and ran a soft finger over my lips.

He kissed me tenderly, ghosting feather light kisses on my lips that were so unlike him.  I felt my knees tremble and buckle as my own feelings began to overwhelm me.  Eric held me tight against him, and I held on tighter to him too.  His tongue traced my lips, slowly tasting me and teasing me.  I wanted him, and for a moment I forgot where we were as one of my hands made its way down his back.  I felt cold on my back, only to discover that he’d unzipped me and had started running his hand over my bare skin.  If he was doing that, then I could touch his butt.  By golly, that was exactly what I did.  I let my hand keep running down, following the rise…

Eric’s phone rang.

We both cursed as he reached inside his pocket.  “It’s Pam,” he muttered.  I felt cold dread hit my stomach.  The last time we had been interrupted by a phone call… I shook myself.  I wasn’t going to even think about that.  Eric was safe.  Pam was safe.  Tonight was just a regular night like any other.  He seemed to feel some of my fear and stroked my hair with a worried expression as he listened to Pam.

“We’ll be there in fifteen,” he said and put his phone away, still searching my face for a hint as to what had brought on the fear.

“Everything okay?” I asked, getting a grip on my emotions, or trying to, anyway.

“Not really.  It seems that some vampires were killed last night in a brawl.  I have to deal with the aggressor,” he said and reached behind me.  He zipped me up and then rubbed my arms.  “It was Malcolm and Diane, along with their nest mate Liam, and that young vampire that we saw with Bill last night.”

I knew it.  I was surprised, but I shouldn’t have been.  They were fated to die, and so they died.  That would always be the tune of this song.  I looked down at my hands, not knowing what to say, let alone what to think.  “It didn’t help,” I mumbled, smoothing my skirt, even though it looked just fine.

“Your warning?  No, it didn’t,” Eric said, catching on quickly.  “Sookie, I don’t know what you saw, but you know that those vampires were troublemakers.  The Revelation went to their heads and they stepped on too many toes.  In a way, it’s their fault.”

“I feel bad for Harlen,” I said, thinking of the young vampire that was on his way to New Orleans.

“You were worried for Bill,” Eric said.  It wasn’t a question.

How to explain?  “Bill is fated to spend some time at the hands of his maker in a couple of months.  He was not supposed to be with those who died last night.”  I looked up at Eric, who was looking back at me intensely.  He was probably taking notes.  “You should make sure you become friends with Bill so that he gives you whatever he’s working on.  His maker will try to torture him for his work, and the Queen will want it.”

“Sookie, you and I need to sit down one night,” he said shaking his head.  I nodded because… well, he was right.  I was trying to remember everything in some kind of order.  Maybe I should start a journal and just hand it over to Eric.

We made our way back to Fangtasia and were greeted by Pam.  She looked like she was ready to spit nails.  “I told you to kill him when you had the chance,” she hissed at Eric.

“Where is he?” Eric asked.

“In your office.  The transport is coming for him,” Pam said and led the way through the hall.

Inside Eric’s office was a vampire seated at the chair I’d occupied earlier.  The smell of burning flesh tickled my nose and not in a nice way.  If it was that bad for me, I couldn’t imagine what it felt like for the vampires.  As I took a closer look I saw that it was Long Shadow, wrapped in silver.  Now I knew how he would die.  I was sure that when the Queen heard of what he’d done to a whole nest of vampires, he’d be sentenced to his final death.  The strangely handsome face looked terrible and fierce.  He was in pain from the silver, so his fangs had elongated.

Eric kept me close to him as he went around his desk.  He made sure I sat down on his executive chair and he stood half in front of me, leaning his hands on his desk.  I couldn’t see his expression, but the bored sound of his voice told me he was tired of dealing with Long Shadow.

“What did you do?” Eric asked.  “Tell me your side of the story before I report it to Queen Sophie-Anne.  Perhaps she will show mercy.”

Long Shadow’s answer was a growl and more showing of teeth.  His eyes shifted to me and I cringed a little, moving the chair slowly to try to hide myself completely behind Eric.  I wasn’t a coward, but I would never forget Long Shadow’s face just inches from mine when he’d tried to kill me.

“Have it your way,” Eric said straightening up.  “I shall then bring your thievery to her highness’ attention as well as your murdering streak.  You are a disappointment, and your days are numbered.”

I swallowed as I listened to Eric’s words.  Final death sentences were hard for me to comprehend, but that was the only way to deal with rogue vampires.  Their incredible strength and preternatural powers made it so that they had to make examples out of the ones who wouldn’t conform.  If you wanted to avoid the true death then you wouldn’t kill your own kind or steal from them.  It was barbaric punishment, but necessary.  When did I begin to understand this?  When had I come to grips with this information?  It must have been when Eric himself had been sentenced to his final death.  Or maybe it had been earlier than that, when Victor Madden had refused Pam’s request to save her lover Miriam from leukemia by turning her into a vampire.  His refusal had been such a vengeful act, so full of cruelty…

Eric’s hand came into my line of vision.  He was holding it behind himself, asking for mine.  I slipped my fingers through his and he curled his fingers, binding our hands together.  That’s when I realized that my emotions had been all over the map, from fear, to confusion, to sadness, to anger.  He’d felt it all along with me.

The vampire cops arrived with their vampire transport vehicle.  The two males that entered Eric’s office were huge, about the same size as Eric himself.  They didn’t have guns strapped to their sides.  They had stakes sheathed like daggers, and were covered from head to foot in leather, including their hands.  This was necessary for them to be able to handle silver.  One of them handcuffed Long Shadow with silver, and took out a long thin silver chain out of a pouch strapped to his belt.  He wrapped it around Long Shadow and removed the heavier chains that belonged to Eric.

“One more chance to tell me what happened,” Eric said before the cops took Long Shadow away.

“Fuck.  You,” Long Shadow growled under his breath.

Eric cocked his head to the side then shrugged.  When he straightened and leaned forward, I knew he was putting on a different face.  “I will enjoy carrying out your sentence,” he shot back in a low menacing voice.  I felt a trickle of fear run down my spine and I was glad that I wasn’t the one at the receiving end of that declaration.

After Eric signed some paperwork and handed it over to the vampire police, we were left alone in his office.  I stood up from his chair and moved around.  I’d been very tense throughout the whole thing with Long Shadow and felt like I needed to loosen my body.  I took some deep breaths before turning back to Eric.  He was looking at his computer, moving the mouse and clicking on some things, then sat at his chair to type.  It didn’t take me long to understand he was communicating with the Queen.  I excused myself and went to the bathroom.

Obviously the fact that I could change the circumstances surrounding someone’s death, but not the death itself, was not a new revelation for me.  But to have it reiterated over and over was very depressing.  I would keep losing people around me, again.  My heart shrank when I thought of Tina.  My kitty would die too.  She’d been keeping me company inside the house more often than not lately, and I would lose her somehow.  Death would not be cheated out of its due.  I felt tears prickling my eyes and had to take a few deep breaths while dabbing at my eyes so they wouldn’t spill.

“You’re not sorry about that bastard, are you?” Pam said behind me.  She’d snuck in with her usual vampire swiftness and silence.  She startled me enough that I jumped and gasped.  The bitch laughed.

“Pam, can you please make some noise so you don’t scare the mortals half to vampire-dom?” I asked, making sure my eyes were dry and my nose wasn’t dripping.

“I like you,” she said and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Thank you.  I like you too, but I’m not picking out any china with you,” I said.  My impudent (Word of the Day) side was coming out in response to my tears.  I wanted to make Pam forget she ever saw them.  At least I had her laughing again, as opposed to her threatening me… or showing me fang for any conceivable reason.

“And here I thought you were just another southern belle.  You are cheeky, you are,” Pam said, and her accent came out again.  It was the fangs again.  “Don’t worry about Long Shadow…”

“What makes you think I’m worried about him?” I interrupted and hoped my confused face would speak louder than words.

Now it was her turn to look confused.  “Eric said…” she pointed over her shoulder then closed her eyes and shook her head.  “Why don’t you tell me the reason for your sadness?  Evidently Eric doesn’t understand.”

I thought about my answer and hoped that Eric had talked to Pam about my “psychic” powers.  He usually didn’t keep things from her.  I was sure he’d told her about my telepathy by now.  “Last night I warned Eric that the vampires that died were in danger inside their home, and he instructed Bill to make them spend the night elsewhere.  Obviously they weren’t safe anywhere.  I’m sad because I can’t prevent deaths, only change how a death happens.”  There!  I’d come clean and I’d said the words.

Pam took the information seriously.  She understood and I was sure she was looking through her brain files for something that Dear Abby would say in a situation such as this.  I don’t think she came up with anything.  “You feel like your hands are tied,” she summarized for me.

“Yes I do,” I admitted.

“And someone close to you will die soon…” her voice trailed, waiting for my answer.  She wasn’t going to like it.

“Yes,” I said without offering any more information.  I brought the tissue to my eyes quickly dabbing away a couple more tears.

“Will it be your brother?”


“Your parents?”

“They’re already dead.”

“I hate guessing games.”

“Then don’t guess.”

“You don’t seem to want to tell me,” Pam said in the equivalent of a whine for her.  She also did the equivalent of an exasperated sigh.  “Eric is upset because you’re upset.  Does that mean anything to you?”

“Yes it does,” I said and walked out of the bathroom and into Eric’s office.  Pam had followed but I didn’t care.  I walked with purpose to him as he turned his chair to receive me.  I planted my body between his legs, my hands on his shoulders, and a steamy kiss on his lips.  It happened so fast that I caught him by surprise.  It took him only a second or two to recover and then I felt his hands at my waist bringing me closer.  I heard the door close I didn’t care if Pam was inside or outside of his office.  The question was settled when his hands traveled south to duck under my skirt.

“Eric… Don’t be upset…” I breathed into his mouth.

“Will you be mine if I tell you it will be the only thing that will make me happy?” he asked, kneading my bottom, his cool hands already touching flesh.  I smiled into his mouth, making him groan.  “Do not tease me, lover.”

I took his face in my hands and separated us enough so I could focus on his eyes.  “I do not tease,” I said.

The drive to Eric’s house seemed too long, even though he managed it in about half the usual time.  Once parked inside the garage, he lifted me over his shoulder (paying no mind to my objections) and took me swiftly to his bedroom.  He didn’t even pause in the kitchen to take off his shoes.  He put me on the bed and started undressing right in front of me.  I enjoyed the view and waited patiently.  Something told me he wanted to do the honors of taking my dress off.

“You look so good in my bed,” he said while letting his pants fall down.  He was ready for me, as I knew he would be.  This time he was wearing silk boxers.  Dark blue.  He kept them on as he walked to me.  As far as I was concerned that was so not going to work.

“Take them off,” I pouted.

Eric shook his head.  “If I take them off now I’m afraid I’ll burst all over your dress,” he smiled a wicked grin, reaching down for one of my legs and removing my sandal.  As he held my leg aloft he glanced down.  I was sure I was flashing him.  He bit his lower lip and growled, putting my leg on his shoulder and reaching inside my skirt.  I felt one finger at my core over my panties and my head lolled back.  There was no way I would be able to survive another day without having him in every way humanly possible.

He didn’t linger.  He took my other leg, got rid of my other shoe and turned me on my belly.  He straddled my legs and I could feel his hardness on my butt, pressing and releasing.  Eric’s hands became gentle as he unzipped me again and ran his hands all over my back.  Yes, his fingers had always been clever, and he knew exactly where to touch and how.  I wasn’t stressed in any way when he turned me around again and helped me take off my dress.  His fangs, which were already peeking from his mouth, lengthened even further as he stared at my breasts.  The growl inside his chest deepened when he helped me with my panties.

I held out my hand and he took it, settling next to me, his mouth descending onto one of my breasts.  He snuck his left arm under me and brought me up against him, his free hand caressing the rest of my body.  He explored me, first with his free hand, then with his mouth, trailing kisses and licks under my breasts, down to my navel, sucking on the skin just below it.  He nudged my legs wide while caressing the inside of my thighs.  My belly grew hot and heavy with desire, and I wished he would stop teasing and just take me.

“Eric, I want you,” I said, and it came out low and breathy.  I stroked his hair, running my fingers through it, loving everything he did to me.

“You shall have me, my lover,” he said then licked me, tasting all of me.  I moaned into the room, feeling his finger teasing my entrance.  I knew without him telling me that he was going to make it so that I could accept his size without pain.

Eric’s tongue was as clever as his fingers, and its gentle assault kept me on the brink without going over the edge for a long period of time.  His fingers entered me slowly, first one, then two, then three, and he would turn them this way and that.  At the first sign of discomfort he would lick the area, probably spreading his blood and healing any minor tearing.  Then he would continue pleasuring me, being gentle.  Suddenly he hooked his fingers inside me, and I moaned loudly at the incredible delight that ran through my body.  He did not stop until he was sure he’d gotten every single bit of pleasure out of my body that could be had.

I was panting as he made his way up my body.  At some point he’d taken off his boxers, and his gracious plenty was hard and weeping.  I felt it fold between us when Eric reached my lips and kissed me, letting me taste myself on his skin.  I raked my nails over his skin, wanting more than kisses.  How could I get ME inside HIM?  That’s where I wanted to be.

“Take me.  I need you,” I panted, and I knew I sounded just like him the night before.

“You were mean to me last night,” he teased and curled into himself to lick one of my nipples with the tip of his tongue.

“I know, I know.  I’m sorry,” I said, willing to apologize for anything and everything as long as it meant I could have him.

“You are mine, Sookie,” he said and moved.  I felt pressure at my entrance and knew he was ready to take me.  “Say it.”

“I’m yours, Eric,” I said.  We held each other’s gaze as he slowly pushed in, making sure my anatomy would accept his.  He began shaking, fighting for control.  “God!  Yes!” I cried out when he slipped a few inches, my eyes closing on their own.

“Look at me,” he said, his voice husky and low.  I opened my eyes back up and bit my lower lip, then let out a gasp as he thrust in the rest of the way and buried himself inside me with a grunt.  He moved slowly, grinding more than thrusting, and I could feel every nuance of his movement.  The grinding of his pelvis against mine felt divine against my nub, and before I knew it I was coming again.

My cries must have dislodged whatever was left of Eric’s control over his urge to take me.  In the middle of my orgasm he started pulling out and plunging back inside me with increased speed.  His arms around me tightened, my heated skin flush against his, both of us becoming slick with my sweat.  He began kissing me everywhere, always returning to my mouth, then his attention drifted to my neck.  I gave him better access, feeling like I was still riding the last orgasm he’d given me.  When he bit I was thrown off the edge of that golden precipice, taking him along with me as he thrust and shuddered inside me.  When he collapsed it was only half his body, since he didn’t want to crush me.  His soft licks at my neck and that tiny mewl of his told me all was well in Eric’s world.

I smiled caressing his back.  I knew he was happy.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, apparently spying the smile on my face.

“I’m thinking that this first time with you was better than I could have ever imagined or wished for,” I said and meant every word.

“This whole night is our first time.  I’m not nearly done, and neither are you,” Eric said and planted a kiss on my shoulder.

“Okay,” I said in a tiny voice.  I knew he had great stamina.  I just hoped he would heal me… although, I felt really good.  My lady bits were still throbbing a little, but not in a painful way… more in the way that they had been well used and serviced.

Eric ran his fingers over my right breast, making a large circuit down to my hip, and back over my belly.  “So soft,” he murmured.  “Sváss… fagr.”

“What does that mean?” I asked, my voice coming out in a whisper.  It was the first time I’d ever asked.

“It means sweet and beautiful,” he answered and pulled himself up to kiss my lips.

“What language is it?”  His eyes were so blue I had to remind myself to pay attention to his answer.

“Old Norse.”  He kissed me again, this time a little more forcefully.

“Can you teach me?”

“Of course, but tonight there’s only one word you need to learn.”  Eric looked at me, his gaze intensifying as he waited for my question.

“What’s the word?”


When I repeated the word he devoured my mouth.  For the rest of the night we devoured each other.  I made love to the one who had made me his wife.  I was his.


Ykkarr = Your(s) in Old Norse, source

Next Chapter 


21 thoughts on “Chapter 8 – Try as I May

  1. Ok, second post for this chapter, is that allowed?? Hope so, because here it comes. 😉 I think I’ve finally figured out Sookie’s motivation for not telling Eric about their second chance and I’m wondering how close it is to what you are thinking (or if I’m completely off base). I don’t think it’s trust, or that he won’t understand or believe her, it’s that she wants to give him the chance to fall in love with her, not just want to have sex, naturally. Also she wants the opportunity to treat him as he deserved from the beginning. So, to give them both a true fresh start. I mean how can you tell someone, who doesn’t know you, the two of you are madly in love? Especially if that person says he doesn’t have feelings. I think if she explains their situation that way it would hurt him less and it makes sense with her new maturity. Now all this works (at least in my mind, LOL) as long as she doesn’t wait any longer to tell him. Well, I feel better. See this story of yours really has me thinking well after I’ve read it. I hope you don’t mind all the supposition. Kathy

  2. OK, she just HAS to sit him down and tell him. She has admitted she is his and given him her “do-over” virginity, so maybe he will be slightly placated when hit with her news. I was also thinking that since she cannot stop the deaths from occurring maybe she should just keep her mouth shut and concentrate on changing her and Eric’s outcome, you know really put herself (and him) first! I love how much she has changed and that she is living her life not just settling for what she thinks she should get. Of course I love that she “yields” to the viking like any woman with two brain cells to rub together would!!! 😉 All your stories are soooo good and make me happy. 😀 Thanks and I cannot wait for more. Kathy

  3. Thanks so much for the update. Wonderful chapter. I have always loved the friendship between Sookie and Pam.
    Don’t we all wish we could have a do-over on our first time? I have only ever been with my husband, but I know I would do things differently the first time given the chance, and I am really pleased with Sookie and Eric’s first night together.
    I agree with other readers in that I feel a lot of angst for when Eric finds out about the cluviel dor and also when Sookie tries to change his fate. Will he understand or feel manipulated and used? Can she prevent the takeover and will he still die at the hands of someone else? So many questions! Please keep writing!

  4. There is so much wonderful here..Pam & Sookie are acting like friends, so nice..And the lovemaking is something to write home about. I am absolutely convinced you have found a way for Sookie to prevent Eric’s final death..I have to believe that..(you do have a plan, right?)..

  5. I LOVE this chapter alittle worried about Sookie not being able to change the people she loves dieing only the way isn’t the same but I have faith that Eric won’t meet his final death I mean that is the whole point of her going back in time to save Eric.

  6. Oh Gosh, it’s so bittersweet! I love how close they’re getting but I just know it’s going to collapse as the truth emerges. *sad panda*

    I’m just gonna enjoy the happy moments while I can!

    Thanks for another amazingly written chapter! 🙂

  7. Wonderful chapter. I loved Pam and Sookie interacting, seems they are on a fast track to becoming good friends. Sookie’s first time was so much better than the *first time*, and I am sure this Eric will realize and embrace his love for her much sooner and easier than the alternative Eric in her past-future. How can he not? It was not that Sooke was hard to get that made him love her – that just spurred him on and poisoned his feelings for her. This mature Sookie has made the right call. Thanks for the update.

  8. Loved it at always!

    i’m so excited for Sookie and the beginnings of her “new life”! She’s got a new job in a fabulous office and will be moving into Jason’s old house. Not to mention she belongs to her sexy Viking (loved her first time!).

    As excited as I am for her, I can’t help but feel sad for the torture she must feel for being helpless in preventing the deaths of those she cares about the most. I’ve got faith in you, though, so I’m not going to panic! LOL!

  9. AMAZING! I am loving the direction so far…You got me nervous about her not being able to change death itself cause that means …datdatduuuuummmmm… Eric and his jealousy too funny and Pam oh Pam she is always great! Rebs I am definetly looking forward to the next chapter!

    • How do you like non-stoic Pam? She’s always the voice of reason, though. Must love Pam! I love Kristin Bauer van Stratten too on True Blood and the way she plays Pam.

  10. Yay first to read your update, oh that was hot, Eric deflower Sookie moment so much better than Bill hahaha. Of course second time around you have to have better sense. love this chapter. Thank you so much, you put a smile on my face.

    • I’m so happy to put smiles on faces, that’s for sure. Eric is definitely a better lover than Bill, and I honestly don’t know how Sookie is strong enough to push him away sometimes. That silly woman….

  11. Brilliant chapter Rebs. I like that she has her own office for her new job, and that Pam’s excited NOT to be doing the job anymore.

    I like where this is heading. I cant remember the time line so I cant remember what ‘supposed’ to happen next lol

    Looking forward to the next chapter

    LH x

    • Don’t worry about the timeline ’cause things are gonna start changing soon anyway. Sookie has changed it all already just by being there. She also pushed Bill away, became Eric’s, keeps changing outcomes… It’ll all go to heck in a handbasket any moment.

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