Chapter 13 – No Longer the Same

Torture by eWKn

Nothing’s Gonna Change My World

Jesus Christ Shepherd of Judea!  I thought I would throw up as we drove home.  I was shaking so bad that the only thing keeping me together was the seatbelt and Eric’s soft words letting me know I was going to be okay.  How did he know that?  I think it was a little white lie that not even he believed.  I was pretty sure I was having a mental breakdown of some sort.

“I hit him so hard,” I muttered, my mind replaying what I’d done to Bill.  “You killed him,” I accused Eric… but I wasn’t sure why.  Hadn’t I told Eric to kill Bill the night before?  I was pretty sure I did.

“He’s not dead.  I merely broke his ribcage.  It will take a while for him to recover,” Eric explained, keeping his voice level.  Something told me he was more than pleased.  Oh, yeah… we were bonded now.  He WAS more than pleased.  I could feel it within me.

“I asked you if you would be all right coming with me and you said yes,” he tried to reason.  Didn’t he know there was no reasoning with crazy people?

I nodded anyway and then lowered the window.  I needed fresh air.  The smell of blood was getting to me, and of course it was made the more pungent because of the fresh infusion of vampire blood I had in me.  “I thought I’d be fine.  I was wrong, okay?  I’m sorry.”

Eric didn’t speak for a moment and I continued to take deep breaths of the fresh air blasting through the window.  The lights on the highway came and went, making me dizzy, or so I thought.  Maybe I was dizzy for a different reason.  Bill’s words about me being a time traveler had hit me just as hard as what I’d done to him.  I racked my brain trying to figure out how he had come to that conclusion until Eric interrupted my thoughts.

“You’ve been through too much in the past month or so.  I think you need to rest,” is what he said.

“I don’t need to rest.  I need to work,” I said adamant.  If I stayed home I would be an even bigger wreck.  I would be able to think.  I didn’t want to be able to think.

“Obviously you don’t understand what I am telling you.  This is not open for discussion or negotiation.  You are on leave starting tonight and until I feel you are well enough to return to work.  And you’re moving into my house.”  Eric’s voice told me he meant business, not pleasure.

My first instinct was to fight him and throw a tantrum at not being able to control my own life.  Then I remembered something very important.  Last time I hadn’t heeded Eric’s wishes, everything had gone to hell in a hand basket.  My last night in the year 2011, I’d spent it at his house because I had moved in.  Why would I do something different now?

“You barely know me,” was my feeble attempt to make him see reason.  I just didn’t have it in me to argue anymore.  Why did everything have to be such a battle anyway?  Was I weak for giving in?  Or strong for letting go?

Then I got a horrible feeling of déjà vu, and this time it had nothing to do with time travel.  I’d said those exact same words to Doctor Nino the night before.  Nino really didn’t know me, nor did I know him.  I’d still kissed him.  I’d thought that I wanted to feel, but what I felt now was not what I’d had in mind.  And besides, repeating the same phrase to two different people said something very sad about me: did anybody know me at all?  For all my mind reading, I was the most closed person I knew.  It had a little bit to do with the fact that I was a telepath and had to watch what I said out loud, but some of it stemmed from being lonely.  I didn’t know how to talk to people.  Correction: I didn’t know how to trust people.

Eric smiled and reached over to put his hand on my head.  He caressed my hair softly and then pulled it (not too hard) to get my attention.  “I know you.”  And in fact he knew me better than many other people.  We’d spent a long time talking this past month, and I’d opened up to him more than I thought I would.  Ever.  To anyone.

“I don’t have a lot of money,” I said, feeling the tears prickling my eyes for a bunch of different reasons.  “If I don’t work I’ll have even less.”  It had been the main problem for so long: lack of funds.  The whole burden followed me like a stinky clingy dog.

“In two days you will have two hundred thousand dollars in your bank account.  I expect that will carry you through your absence from work.”

I was flabbergasted.  “B-but… that was a fine!”

“To be paid to me to use as I see fit.  You could sue him and go through the motions.  I figured a settlement would be in your best interest.  Would you like more than what you’re getting?  I will hire a lawyer for you.  I know several.”

I shook my head.  His high-handedness knew no bounds.  However, in this case, I was willing to overlook it.  Restitution.  I was getting money owed for pain and suffering.  The new American model.  Leave it up to Eric to know all about it and make sure I profited from it.  I had no argument left, I really didn’t.  I had neither the desire nor the brain cells to form one.

We arrived at his house (my house?  Our home?) in record time and Eric made sure we made a bee line for the bathroom.  He preferred his bathroom downstairs, and I didn’t care as long as I wasn’t left alone.  He ripped my clothes off and practically shoved me into the shower, following closely behind.  This time he was naked when he joined me.

“We’re making a habit of this,” he observed, lathering up my hair with his shampoo.  “Not that I mind, understand?  I love it when you smell like me from head to toe.”

I was willing to try anything to forget the events of that night.  I concentrated on Eric’s hands, the way they touched me.  He was so strong, but so gentle with me.  He was an amazing sexual partner, but he showed me his loving side too.  I basked in that.  I loved him.  I’d fallen in love with him again.

The steam inside the shower wasn’t helping with the goose bumps all over my skin.  Eric’s touch, even as warm as it was from the heat of the water, had the effect of making my skin erupt.  My nipples tightened when my hair fell over them as Eric rinsed it.  I couldn’t keep my eyes off him.  I admired his body, tall, thick shoulders, slender hips, gracious plenty saluting my body with every intention of getting inside.  My lady bits were tingling with anticipation.  All the bad stuff lay forgotten along with our clothes.  I didn’t want to think.  I wanted to be selfish and let Eric do all the work.  I wanted to take advantage of his body to help me forget.

We bathed quickly, my lust feeding his.  He was holding back, trying to get us in bed, but we didn’t make it.  As soon as we started getting dry he fell on me, literally.  The bathroom floor became our bed, and the plush area rug in front of the shower provided no cushioning whatsoever.  But when he lifted me and set me on the floor, I knew I wouldn’t stop him.

“I need you,” he said with a grunt, reaching between us almost desperate and plunging inside me.  I lifted my legs and wrapped them over his waist, taking everything from him.  I knotted my fingers in his hair as he kissed me, thrusting both tongue and manhood inside me, letting me become his vessel into which he poured and from which he drank.

I moaned my pleasure, feeling his hands all over me.  He lifted me, kneeling with me wrapped around him.  “Kiss me, Sookie.”

Oh, God!  I wanted nothing more.  I kissed his face and his neck, biting a little and making him growl in response.  I took his hand and kissed his fingers and palm.  I kissed his shoulders.  He moved me over him, making sure I took all of him inside me, his eyes closing in bliss even though he liked to keep them open to look at me.

“You’re mine, Sookie,” he growled and moaned.  When he fixed me with his eyes, not letting go of my gaze, I melted around him.

Ykarr,” I said in Old Norse, the only word I knew how to say for sure.  I was learning, though.

Endr,” he commanded, his eyes blazing and drawing me in.

Ykarr, Eric.  Einn ykarr,” I gasped, my body shuddering and heralding something really good.

Minn ástir,” he whispered.  Then he repeated it more forcefully and kissed my mouth.  I was thrown over the edge, feeling fireworks throughout my body and moaning over and over as Eric’s tongue swept inside my open mouth.  His body convulsed under me as he threw his head back and came with a mighty cry.  I felt him spilling inside me, his offering cooler than my body.  I held on to his neck, feeling a little weaker than usual.  Eric relaxed and put his head on my shoulder, hugging me close.

Ek ann thér,” he whispered.

“What does that mean?” I asked, planting soft kisses on his shoulder.

“It means I love you, my darling Sookie.”

I choked at his words.  Yes I’d heard them before in my other life, and I’d heard them last night, but something about needing to hear them again and often made me tear up.  Besides, he was willing to say them even after finding out that I’d had Bill’s blood.  The information had fazed him momentarily, but he understood and it hadn’t changed how he felt about me.

I hid my eyes from him.  I would not cry, not again.  “I love you too,” I said, feeling as he stood up with me still wrapped around him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The cluviel dor looked as lifeless as it had when I’d found it again.  It didn’t give me the warm fuzzies like it had when I’d first found it.  It was just a tarnished old thing.  Still, this tarnished old thing had given me the opportunity to alter the past at the expense of my sanity.

For some reason holding the small box rooted me.  It was a link to the past which was now my future.  I couldn’t say I missed any of it, but I was feeling a little lost.  Each decision carried an immeasurable weight behind it.  Exhibit A: Bill.  Exhibit B: Sam.  Not everything was bad, of course.  Exhibit C: Eric.  I just hoped I’d done the right thing by telling him as much as I had.

My room felt odd to me.  Eric was sleeping in his day bedroom and I was in my new bedroom upstairs, sitting on my bed, holding the cluviel dor with nothing better to do and a whole empty day ahead.  Eric had movers bring the contents of my house to his… minus the living room furniture and the spare bedrooms.  I had all my cooking things, all my clothes, my brand new bed… it would still take a little while for me to get used to my brand new home.  It felt lonely to be in the room; that was the problem.  In essence, this would be “my” bedroom, and the bedroom downstairs would be “his” bedroom.  We were roommates with perks.

I closed my eyes and shook my head at myself.  That wasn’t right at all.  We loved each other.  We’d made love in my bedroom more often than in his, and the only reason he had given me my own room was because I didn’t like to spend the day downstairs, and he recognized that I needed a private space.  I’d spent almost a whole week in his house already and he’d endeavored to make me feel like I belonged.  It wasn’t easy for him to share his home with a human, so some things felt awkward.  He was trying though, and I was trying to take it in stride.

For one, I felt safer.  For another, the money from Bill had been transferred to my bank account, so I didn’t feel like I was mooching off Eric.  I begged him to give me something to pay: rent, electricity, water, cable, anything!  He refused, but seemed touched.

“Buy my True Blood when you go to the market,” he had said when I tried to have him give me a price for rent.

“Not nearly enough to cover rent,” I had argued.

“Are you always so argumentative?” he had asked and smiled widely, taking in my posture.  I’d been standing in the kitchen, arms akimbo, dinner cooking behind me while he nursed a True Blood on the counter.

I’d looked down and pursed my lips.  “Sometimes I’m worse,” I mumbled and turned around.  Not a second passed and I’d felt his arms around my waist.  I had relaxed against his body and had let him talk me into not paying him any rent.

My mind was divided on whether or not I should tell Eric about the cluviel dor.  It would substantiate Bill’s accusation.  Of course, Bill didn’t know that it was a one-time-use kind of deal.  Bill also didn’t know the true purpose of the cluviel dor.  I had yet to profit from it.  I could, at that very moment, go to Vegas and bet the sudden windfall I’d gotten from Bill on the Yankees winning the World Series.  I would clean the house and be booted out of Las Vegas faster than I could say “I won!”  But I figured that was wrong and would bring me bad karma or something.

I didn’t want to keep the secret to myself any longer though.  Every time I lied to Eric about being psychic I felt a pin in my heart.  Worse than that now, because he could tell I was lying.  He hadn’t said anything yet, but I knew he could tell.  He was letting me come clean on my own.  I had no doubt that he had played along with me in front of Bill, pretending Bill was the crazy one but knowing that there had been a sliver of truth in all of it.

I put the cluviel dor in the pocket of my jeans, making up my mind that I would come clean the moment Eric woke up for the night.  We were supposed to have a date tonight.  I would tell him all about it during dinner.  Before dinner.  As soon as he woke up.  The moment he opened his eyes.  I didn’t want to lie anymore.  Not to Eric.

With my new resolution in place I was left considering what to do with myself for the rest of the day.  I’d watched every movie and then some.  I’d read every book and skipped the ones that made me fall asleep while reading.  Not everything in Eric’s collection was to my taste, which is to be expected.  We were two different people.  I doubted he read romances and devoured mysteries like I did.  I’d tried to delve into a history of the Middle Ages, only to fall asleep with the book on my chest.  It was definitely not my kind of subject matter.

I did want to learn more about the Vikings, and there was a surprising lack of books about the subject in Eric’s house.  Our house.  I was starting to get used to that…  That morning I decided to visit the nearest public library.  After a quick search online I got directions and headed over.

The library in Broadmoor was… it looked like a school it was so large.  I felt so small.  The parking lot wasn’t busy, but it was extensive, and the building was a massive brick structure, with several book drops up front, and a large welcoming awning leading to the main doors.  I passed the security sensors marveling at the size of the place, and I was immediately lost.  I had to stand where I was for a minute and take it all in.

Near the door was the check-out desk, and ropes to make lines.  Never in my life!  Further inside I saw another desk and headed there directly.  It would hopefully contain a person who could help me find what I was looking for.  From that center desk radiated several chairs and seating spots, and from those the long stacks of books.  I was sure that if I stared at them long enough, I would be able to make rhyme or reason of them.  But I figured that Eric with his large home and many businesses paid enough in taxes for me to avail myself of the services of a librarian.

The lady behind the desk was more than helpful when I told her I what I was looking for.  She actually had me follow her to the right section.  The Dewey Decimal system wasn’t new to me, but in a library this large it was like finding needles in haystacks.  The librarian was a little older than me, maybe, with a friendly smile and an urge to help.  She’d been bored, I’d gathered that much.  She showed me the section I was looking for and then assured me that my library card from Renard Parish could be used anywhere in the state of Louisiana.

She also pointed me in the direction of the fiction section.  For later.

I gathered several books and chose a desk behind the stacks of books, instead of a seat in the main area.  Everything was quiet and solemn, just like in a regular library.  People’s thoughts were focused and easy to block out.  And so I began my research into Eric’s roots.

“Excuse me,” said a woman’s voice from behind me.  Instinctively I threw out my sixth sense, even knowing exactly who that voice belonged to.  What was she doing here?

I turned within my seat to look, purely out of morbid curiosity.  I froze instead of running, and stared.  “You’re far away from home,” I said, thinking that it must have taken her almost two hours to get to Shreveport… unless she popped herself into the library.

Her dark eyes lit up with surprise, her black hair swinging about her shoulders in a shiny cascade.  “Yes I am.  So are you,” she said and tried to smile but failed.  “I take it you know me.”

“Why don’t you tell me who you are, just in case I’m mistaken?” I said and stood up, grabbing my purse.  I was getting ready to bolt, even though I knew it would be useless.

“I work here,” she said and watched almost horrified when I shook my head.  I’d already seen her change clothes in the blink of an eye.  She’d been following me and now she blended with the rest of the personnel inside the library.

“Your name is Claudine Crane.  I don’t need protection.  You have not seen me and you have not found me.  You tell any of my family where I am and I swear I will sic a vampire on you,” I said, feeling not myself.  Images of other fairies were starting to trickle into my awareness, and I didn’t want anything to do with any of them.  Claudine opened her mouth and closed it again, staring at me in horror.  “I’m sorry, Claudine.  I know you mean well, I know.  But you cannot tell them you’ve found me because Breandan will know I am Niall’s weak link.  He will send the torturers after me.”

I turned and started walking out of the library.  I didn’t want to hear any explanations.  Claudine had pretended to work for Tara to get to me before, so her pretense now was nothing new to me.  But her finding me so fast… that was new and scary.  She wasn’t supposed to come into my life until January.  It was only October.

“Hold on a second!” Claudine shouted when I was already in the parking lot.  I wished I had some lemon spray or some iron… not to hurt her!  Just to make her back off.  I didn’t want to hurt her.  I just wanted her away from me.

“I know where you live with your siblings, Claudine.  I’m not kidding about that vampire,” I said over my shoulder.  I’d seen her materialize inside my car, so she could certainly do so again.  I was hoping she’d take my threat seriously.

“How do you know all this?” she asked.  I could hear her huffing and puffing behind me, until finally she was walking next to me.

I stopped.  “Niall sent you to take care of me, am I right?”  She nodded, wide-eyed and looking pale.  I continued.  “He’s been fighting Breandan to control the fairy portals, am I right?”  Another nod from Claudine.  “I am Niall’s great-granddaughter, yes?”

“Yes, but how do you know?  I felt fairy magic around you.  Can’t you just tell me?  Are you seeing the future?” she asked making her voice low.

“No, I’m not seeing it.  I’ve lived it.  Neave and Lochlan already got their hands on me once and I will NOT go through that again,” I said through clenched teeth.  I started walking backwards to my car and she reached for me with pain in her eyes.  “Do not dare touch me, Claudine Crane!  You were supposed to save my life.  You were supposed to protect me, but nobody came.  Nobody came for me.”

Traitor tears started rolling down my cheeks and were echoed on Claudine’s.  I knew I was hurting her, but I needed to take care of myself as well.  “What can I do?” she asked finally, giving in to the fact that I wasn’t going to explain any more.

“Forget you found me.  Look for someone else to help.  Do not tell Niall of my whereabouts…”

“He already knows you’re with Northman,” she interrupted.

My heart sank into my stomach.  I’d already been found.  I turned and got in my car, sitting and staring at the dash, trying to get my brain back in gear so I could drive out of there and back home.  Then I would run downstairs to Eric’s room and curl up against him for the rest of the day.

“Won’t you at least explain how you knew all this?” Claudine asked.  She was sitting beside me, and actually that had been my fault.  She took advantage of an unlocked door.  Me and my bad habits from Bon Temps, where nobody locks their car doors unless there’s something interesting inside the car, like a CD player or change.

I looked up at Claudine who was dabbing her eyes with a tissue.  There was no use hiding the cluviel dor anymore.  It was spent.  I was the keeper of the magic now, not the little snuff box.  I retrieved it from my pants’ pocket and showed it to her.  She didn’t react, which told me she had no clue what the box had once been.

“This used to be a cluviel dor fashioned by my grandfather and given to my grandmother,” I said and let it sink in.  Claudine’s eyes filled with surprise then greed as she stretched her hand out to touch it.  “You touch me I know vampires,” I said quickly, putting the box back in my pocket.

“I wasn’t going to touch it,” she said, sounding like a teenager.

“I don’t care.  It’s spent but it’s still mine.”

“How did you use it?”

“I witnessed my husband about to be killed and I wished myself back in time, only I didn’t know what I was doing.  I only wished to undo what had brought us to that moment so I could keep him alive,” I said, having a bit of a serendipitous moment.  I wished to undo what had brought us to that moment.  I was already working on that, and so were Eric and Pam.

“So you know the future?”

“More or less.  It has changed now.  I can only predict deaths for sure, and only into the next two years,” I said and grimaced, remembering Claudine’s death at the hands of Breandan.  I closed my eyes and looked away.

“There is a rumor that you’re psychic, and another that you’re a time traveler.  That’s why I had to come see you and keep you safe,” she explained.

Immediately my mind went to Bill.  How had he known and who had he told?  “Where’s the rumor coming from?”

“The vampire queen of Louisiana knows about it, and a friend told the Prince.”

“That would have been Mr. Cataliades.  I could kill that demon for…” I shut up.  If I ever saw Mr. Cataliades again I would tell him where he could put his telepathy.

“It was him!  You know too much, Sookie,” she shook her head.  “You’re not safe.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“I’m serious.  Do you still not want me to keep you safe?”

“I live with a vampire.  What do you think?”

“I think yes,” she ventured a guess.

“I think no, and get out of my car.”  My mind was made up.  I would not be a victim.  I would go home and do anything Eric wanted me to do so I could stay safe.

“I’m sorry, Sookie,” she said.  A moment later I knew no more.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

My first thought when I came to was “not again.”  My second thought was that I was going to kill somebody and damn the consequences.  My third thought was along the lines of asking Eric to turn me tout de suite so I could REALLY do some damage.

Thankfully this second abduction came without pain.  As soon as I woke up I could open my eyes and sit up.  I was in a bedroom, a nice one, on a bed with a flowery comforter.  It was the fanciest place where I’d been held captive.

“Why do these things ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME!!!” I yelled at the top of my lungs.  Someone knocked on the door and entered.  It was Claudine.  “Do you know that Eric is my blood bonded?  You just got yourselves a war!”

“I had to do it.  The Prince told me to,” she said, almost whining because she didn’t want to be in this position.

“Is kidnapping acceptable for your ‘becoming an angel’ thing?” I asked.  My voice came out shrill.

She looked down and shook her head.  “Can I bring you anything?  Are you hungry or thirsty?”

I waited until she was looking at me to speak.  “I would like a lemon meringue pie with lemonade.  Did I ever tell you I killed a fairy with a trowel made of iron?  If I ever get out of here I will ask Eric to turn me so I can drain you!”

To Claudine’s credit she remained and listened to my childish spiel.  When she was sure I was done she lifted her gaze to mine again.  Hers was full of worry and pain.  She really didn’t like what she had been made to do.  I felt sorry for her… briefly.  I wondered if I was able to call Eric to me.  Then again, it was still daytime.

“You’re on the second floor, so please don’t do anything foolish like try to climb down the window,” Claudine pleaded.

“Bite me!”

“It’s only for a little bit.  Niall is on his way to talk to you then you’re free.  Your vampire refused to let him see you,” she explained.

I frowned.  Eric hadn’t told me that Niall had contacted him.  I would be mad, except… goose, gander.  We had been keeping things from each other.  I was doing it and he was doing it too.  Oh, well… it would get rectified tonight, provided I got out of here in time.

I heard footsteps coming up a set of stairs and immediately got up from the bed.  Claudine was still at the door but retreated to let the newcomer in.  It was Niall, in all his splendor, wearing a fine suit and a worried expression, not unlike Claudine’s.  He came near with every intention of hugging and kissing me, but I closed my body down and he stopped dead in his tracks.

“I know you are mad, Sookie, but please let me explain who I am…” he began.

I interrupted.  “You are Niall Brigant, Prince of the Sky Fairies and my great-grandfather.  I’m sure Claudine already told you about the cluviel dor that Fintan gave to my grandmother and which I used to travel back in time to save my husband.”  I was proud of myself.  I loved Eric, and I was claiming him over and over as I should have from the moment I handed him that knife.

“She told me, yes.  Who is your husband in the future?” he asked, curious.  I thought it was obvious.

“Eric Northman.”

“He’s a vampire.”

“It hasn’t escaped my notice.”

“How did you get married?”

“We pledged to each other with a knife,” I said, leaving it kind of vague.  I wish I’d known what I was doing at the time, although I wouldn’t have accepted.

“A vampire wedding ceremony,” he concluded for me.

“Does it matter if it binds us as partners?  You know what?  That’s neither here nor there because it hasn’t happened yet,” I said, making a motion with my hands, cutting the air.

Niall took a deep breath.  I was so mad that I was talking to him like I never had before.  He needed to understand though.  I was mad at him about so many things.

“Your wish to know me led Breandan and his lackeys to me,” I began, speaking of things that had already happened to me, but not yet happened in the current time-space continuum.  “I killed one fairy named Murry, and later Neave and Lochlan took me from my home to abuse and torture me.  I was nearly dead when you finally found me, and the only thing that saved me was the massive amount of blood that my husband gave me.  I ended up with scars all over my body and a terrible case of post-traumatic stress disorder.  I still have nightmares.  As for what you did to Dermot, that is inexcusable.  You will find when you remove the curse that he is sorry.”  I watched as Niall’s eyes widened in surprise.  “He is your son, and he is a fine man.”  Or, at least, he was to me.  “He lived with me once the curse was removed, and was the only one who didn’t betray me or cause me grief.”

Niall narrowed his eyes.  “Do you know how old I am, child?”

“Not older than my blood bonded.  I need to get back to him because I’ve already been kidnapped once during this time, and I don’t care to put him through that again.”

“I understand that you are scared…”

“Wouldn’t you be?  I have no powers against you, not even my telepathy.  The only one who has EVER kept me safe is Eric.”  That statement said out loud was more than I could bear.  Eric was right: I’d been through too much in too short a time.  I broke down and cried.  “Please let me go and get home.”  I wasn’t above begging, but Claudine walked to me and handed me my purse and keys.

I followed her down the stairs and through a hall before Niall stopped us.  I knew it was too easy.

“How did you lift Dermot’s enchantment?” he asked, looking curious again.  It was his fall-back expression.

I wiped my cheeks with the heel of my hand.  I knew I had a tissue somewhere, but it was probably in the car.  “Claude and I kissed him,” I answered.

“Can I see the cluviel dor?” he asked and stretched out his hand.

“It’s mine,” I said, not moving.

“I know.  I would only like to see it,” he said in a slight patronizing tone, if you ask me.

I retrieved the small box from my pocket, but didn’t hand it over.  “You can look at it while I hold it.”

Niall leaned close, his hair falling over his shoulders.  He scrunched his nose like he couldn’t believe that such an ugly little thing had ever contained fairy magic.

“When I first found it, it was beautiful.  The edges were gleaming and golden and the surface was marbleized green and smooth,” I said, pocketing it once more.

“Tell me what happened,” he said.  We were standing in the living room to the triplets’ home.  I’d been here once, maybe twice.  I couldn’t remember.

I sighed.  I hadn’t told the exact story to anyone and I had a feeling I would do it twice today.  “The King of Louisiana, Nevada and Arkansas set a trap to kill Eric and take me as his telepath.  I killed his second in command, but Eric took the blame.  As the King was about to sink a stake through Eric’s heart I wished for none of it to have ever happened.  Next thing I know I was standing on the same spot but two years into the past.  I can remember everything, and I can change some things.”

Both Claudine and Niall had been listening intently.  When they didn’t say anything for several moments I turned and left.  I wasn’t going to spend any more time with the fairies.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Sookie….” I heard my name whispered in my ear and it woke me up.  I’d fallen asleep in Eric’s room waiting for him to wake up.  “Oh…Sookie… your scent is delicious.”

Eric turned my body so that he was actually rubbing all of himself over me.  His fangs had lengthened completely and he was going for my neck slowly.  His hand found the hem of my shirt and snuck underneath, pulling my bra down and grabbing a breast.  The problem: I was enjoying it a little too much and he was aroused by the scent of fairy that I had failed to wash off.  I was the one with the most control at that moment.

“I spoke to Niall,” I said and Eric stopped his attentions immediately.  Then he thought about it and continued.

“I will have you then you can tell me all about it,” he said, this time moving his hand down to my pants.  He undid them quickly but, in his effort to take them off me as fast as possible, he ended up grabbing the cluviel dor instead.  It popped out of my pocket and into his waiting hand.  “What’s this?”

“It’s a cluviel dor,” I answered, watching his reaction.  “It’s a spent cluviel dor,” I corrected quickly, seeing the same expression on his face as I had the first time I’d shown him the little box.

“How come you have a spent cluviel dor?  Where did you get it?” Eric asked, sitting up and still holding it, examining it.  There really was nothing to see.

“My grandfather made it and gave it to my grandmother.  She kept it hidden until I found it.  I used it, that’s how come it’s spent.”

“What did you use it for?” he asked, switching his blue eyes to me.

I sat up and set myself to rights quickly.  We were having this conversation here and now.  “I used it to save you.  The night you were about to be killed by De Castro, I wished that none of it had happened.”

“Did I die?” he asked.  He wasn’t afraid.  I read a bit of anger, but no fear.

“I don’t know.  I was transported two years into the past before I saw you die,” I said and my voice faltered.  I could no longer look him in the eye.  “I should have told you sooner, but I didn’t think you’d believe me.”

“You lied to me,” he said with a hint of pain in his voice.

He was right so I nodded.

“What else is a lie, Sookie?  Can you really read minds?”  I looked up to find he was mad at me.  Livid was the correct word in this instance.

“Yes I can.  I told you how that came about.  I will tell you everything.  I don’t want to lie to you.”

Eric got up suddenly and got dressed in the blink of an eye.  “I knew there was something you weren’t telling me, but I never thought you were lying.”  He started pacing.  “You’re not a psychic.  You know things because you’ve gone through everything already.  That means that those fairies that attacked you isn’t something you’ve seen happen, but something you’ve gone through.  What else do you know?”

“I’ve told you everything, but things keep changing.  I wasn’t supposed to meet fairies until January, and my family found me today.  The only thing that hasn’t changed is when people die.”  I stood up too, feeling too small sitting on the bed.

“And Bill kidnapping you?”

“That took me by surprise.  He thinks I can travel in time, but this was a one-time thing to save your life,” I explained.

“You did know me,” he muttered looking at me in a strange way that I couldn’t decipher.  “What were we?”

I swallowed.  “We were pledged.  I was your wife.”  My voice faltered.  “I killed Victor Madden to save your whole area from him.  He was a sadist.  He didn’t want to approve Pam’s request to make a child of her lover who was dying of cancer.  He tried to kill me and Pam.  He was getting ready to kill you too.”

“How do I know you won’t lie to me again?” he asked, getting closer.  He really hated that I had fooled him.

“Because you know me.  I only did it because I thought you wouldn’t believe me.  I can’t lie to you.  It was eating me alive.”  There was no reasoning with a mad Eric.  He needed to calm down first.

“What did Bill do to you?” he asked, his voice low and dripping with venom.

I blinked.  “What do you mean?  You know what he did.”

“In the future, what did he do?  Why did you hit him the way you did?  Was it because of this kidnapping or was there more?  Answer me, Sookie.  I’m about to lose it here.”

A sob caught in my throat.  It was going to kill him.  My emotions and pain were already filtering through to him.  I looked away and covered my mouth to stifle another sob.  I didn’t want to be a victim, and I felt that if I said it out loud that was exactly what I would become.  But he had to know, and he had asked.

“Sookie…” he said getting closer.

“His maker beat him mercilessly and I rescued him,” the words caught in my throat.  “I became locked in a trunk with him…”  That was it.  I couldn’t finish.

“What happened?!” his voice was hot to the point that the whole room felt like it was on fire.  I shook my head.  He wanted me to say it.  “Tell me!”

“He raped me!” I yelled at him then screamed and fell.  All the hurt I’d been putting away and burying for years, all the trauma, the shame, all of it crashed on me.  My body couldn’t handle it, and neither could my mind… and so it simply shut down.

Next Chapter 

Ykarr = Your(s)

Endr = Again

Einn = Alone (only)

Minn ástir = My love

Ek ann thér = I love you

52 thoughts on “Chapter 13 – No Longer the Same

  1. Well, it has been awhile for me cause I was turned onto the Black Dagger Brotherhood books…Love them….that series should have an show like on HBO, Cinemax, or Showtime…So, I am playing catch up now and trying to get used to this site…First I would like to say I loved the pic of your DTR dressed up for Halloween…She is freakin adorable…Her smile could brighten anybody’s day…Then I read your blog about your ED visit, dx. and that you are expecting again…I’m truly happy for you and your husband have good news…Sorry, nurse over here is crying…I truly hope your next US goes well and things work out…
    Just an FYI, I was called the miracle baby because my mom was not born with a pituitary gland that secreted enough hormones she only had her period twice her whole life once at 18 and then once at 24. She was receiving injections of hormones as kid…then when tech. improved the tried the pill to help with her hormones…I guess mom said at the time it had less side effects for someone so young. Well, my mom got pregnant at 24 and had her period during the time of the pregnancy…She was gaining wight, throwing up, but at that time the specialist said there was a very low possibility she could ever conceive. She was around 5-6 mts. prego when she had an apt with her specialist. They told my grandma and my mom that I was a tumor. They made arrangements for pre-op to remove the tumor. Part of that was they needed an US to measure the tumor and get location. So, my dad went to pre-op(at the time they just started dating) and my moms parents. All were in the waiting room when the doctor came out and told them she was pregnant. My poor dad…lol…Just started dating someone going to support her because she needed surgery for a tumor and he finds out he going to be a dad…So that was my grandmas nickname for me..The miracle baby…
    So, there is always hope… I will say prayers for you and your family, but take it easy…Kay!!!! And always get a second opinion and trust your gut…

    Ok the chapter it rocked as always…I love how Sookie told the fairies to basicly F off…Awesome!!!!

  2. I’m going nuts over here! Bill get it together in some time line. Love love love this story. I usually repeat things three times when I really mean it:-/

  3. Wonderful story! Dying to read more of it. Glad she finally told Eric about the CD. Must admit I don’t Luke wordpress though or at least not yet, not sure how to get alerts when u update, viewing from mobile and can’t change font size, took 5 minutes to find previous chapter. I do understand you wanting control with the reviews though. Although you are a GREAT writer and should not let some crazy people bother you. Focus on the hundreds of adoring fans you have. Hope you have a wonderful weekend. Love your stories!

    • Since I don’t know what kind of mobile you have, it might work differently… I have an Android, so I go to the top of the page and hit the pull-down arrow on the top right hand corner. It will give you a menu of all the pages, and it includes all the stories and their chapters. Usually that’s how I go back and forth between chapters and skip between stories. To get alerts just subscribe, and I think that’s a button right next to the arrow that says “Follow.” Mine looks like that, but yours might look different. I know that if you’re on the regular computer you can subscribe from any page by clicking on the “Subscribe” button. Obviously, since this is a private page, I don’t send out spam of any kind. If you want, the chapters for “Nothing” update every Wednesday, so you can just stop by every week at your leisure, click on the main page for “Nothing,” and click on the new chapter.

      I hope that helps a little 😦 … I know that new websites take a little getting used to. Fanfiction.net was a mess for me when I first started posting stories, now I’m a pro! 😀

  4. Wow….Great chapter. I know Sookie lied to Eric but he has to put himself in her shoes. If she would have walked up to him and said ” Hi I’m your wife” He would have thought she was nuts. i am glad that Sookie is finally standing up for her self but it seems like fate wants her to go through some of these things. Maybe if she runs into thing one and two again she can have lemon on her or some Iron and kill those asshats first. Niall needs to understand he did not protect her at all. He just invited more trouble into her life. I agree that CH really underplayed the rape in the car trunk. Some time CH even refers to it as a near rape. I don’t really car that Bill did not compleat the act the fact is that he put his penis into Sookie vagina with out her consent. That is RAPE. Even though he stopped he still raped her. It is about time she dealt with it.

  5. I’m so happy that she finally told Eric. When will she learn not to hide stuff from him. *sighs* I’m glad she’s finally actually dealing with the fact that Bill raped her. I feel like CH didn’t make as big of a deal of it as she should have considering that she had been previously molested by her Uncle. And what’s up with Sophie Ann, obsessed much? Niall and Claudine need to back off. They caused more harm than good anyway. I mean Claudine did die protecting her so she shouldn’t be super mean to her but Niall dragged her into so crazy situations. That threat was hilarious though. She never had more than like a 2 day nervous breakdown in SVM, this was long overdue. Everyone is so greedy around the cluviel dor. She even had to say it was used so they’d back up. Greedy, much? Great chapter 🙂

  6. Wow! Great Chapter! Now how SA knows about the “time travel” is anyone’s guess –but I think you’ll enlighten us 🙂

    The link is SA. Eric has to keep her alive and not incapacitated so that DeCastro and Madden don’t take over LA and Ark. She seems to be the linchpin in all of this —
    Pat

  7. I’m so glad your continuing this wonderful story on here it was a shame what happen on FF. 😦 It’s such a relief to hear Sookie get the truth out to Eric and her hurt from Bill that she never dealt with! I agree with lots of other SVM fans that CH had Sookie act as Scarlett O’Hara with her problems pushing every bad thing to the back of her mind it’s not healthy. Sookie seems to realize that she made things harder for herself by denying her feelings for Eric this is good I love how you write her.

    It’s really tough to trust any supe really the caution with her fairy kin is understandable this time around if Niall does care for her he will leave her be and trust Eric to care for her. It’s so obvious that Eric wants nothing but the best for her she is his heart’s desire after all! The fact that she is not being thrown into the supe world blindly I love that protocols are known ect… Them bonding so fast and hopefully pledging since vamps suspect her of awesome talents already is and would be a smart move. So many secrets were kept in the past/future? 🙂 I hope it all comes out in the upcoming chapters that way nothing could be used against them by others also. I understand Eric being angry after he has been so open and professing his love for her his bonded. He was also keeping the news of Niall from Sookie and she told him she didn’t want to meet up with him right? He needs to cool down so he can think but for now he hates her decite, next he’ll want to kill Bill and finally her tears and pain through the bond will get to him and he’ll be angry that he wasn’t able to stop those terrible things from happening to her. I would not be surprised if he broke down with her like he did while she was recovering from the fairy attack! The fact that she loved him enough to grant such a wish speaks volumes so they’ll make up that’s a given. I know it will hurt Sookie to tell everything that she’s been through but it would be healing and he’s an A-one listener so go into great detail get it all out. The theme so far to me is you can’t change who ends up dying only how and when but in Eric’s case he didn’t officially die in the other timeline so he has a better chance at surviving.

    Keep up the good work can’t wait for the next update! 🙂

  8. Very angsty.. But at least Sookie came clean with Eric and now they can move past it. I think this will mean the end of Bill! I can’t wait until the next one!

  9. Hi great chapter , Wonder how Bill came up with the time traveler story? Maybe Sookie should have bee more forth coming with Niall so he can make sure to do everything possible to avoid hurting Sookie again. Eric needs to get over his anger and get back to his usual clear headed self and find out every single detail he can from Sookie in order to avoid his final death. Looking forward to nexr update. Thanks for sharing.

  10. That was a conversation that needed to be had. I’d like to see her warn Claudine about her death and Claudette’s, but none of her warnings have saved anyone so far. I’m glad she finally told Eric the truth. At some point Sookie will have to deal with the queen and Andre, and we all know what happened to them. Seems to me the only way to keep Felipe from taking Louisiana is for Eric to take it. Fortunately, Sookie didn’t actually see Eric die and that’s what I’m hoping for. But she still has other hardship to deal with, if in a different way. Great chapter. Thank you so much.

  11. That was some chapter, fully packed with information. I love how she dumbfounded Claudine. I don’t think she was expecting that kind of a response from Sookie. I’m glad she told Eric, I felt like I was holding that secret along with her. Excellent job!

  12. wow! great chapter!

    it irks me to think this, but i wonder why sookie never thought to herself that in going back to the beginning, the way she would save Eric would have been to avoid him? it would be a massive seed of doubt for someone to plant in her head….hmmm

  13. Holy moley! That was an intense and wonderful chapter!! So beautiful – breaking down and telling all like that. You wrote the sense of claustrophobia when she was taken by Claudine so vivid: really, I felt it. Brava! Can’t wait for more. Skn xx

  14. I’m so glad she fessed up to Eric. He will be mad for a little bit but I am sure he will realize that she used an amazing gift that could only be used once to save his life. She could have used it for anything but she gave the gift to him in a way.
    I am really interested to see how Eric reacts to finding out Sookie was raped and tortured and I also want to know why the fairies showed up early.
    Awesome chapter! I can’t wait for more!

  15. Oh …. That was such a great chapter. I’ll be checking in daily to see what happens. You are right, this is all too much to endure. I love your Sookie and Eric.

  16. WOW! What a chapter! I’m totally with you regarding your surprise that Sookie hasn’t had a nervous breakdown before now. I feel so bad for her. I just hope that once Eric has a chance to really think about it that he can understand why she didn’t tell him and then forgive her. 🙂

  17. Thank goodness she finally let it all out. Although she didn’t go in to detail she did give him the most important info. I hope she stays to her word and doesn’t try to run after all this. And Eric, I hope he forgives her quickly. I think he just needed to hear her say it. I know he was hurt by her lying but he can feel through the bond that it wasn’t maliciously done and Sookie is definitely hurting so they need to heal each other. I hope they marry sooner rather than later. Everything is happening out of order so they need to do this quickly and properly. Is there a summit coming up anytime soon…maybe there? So many possibilities, I need more. Fantastic chapter!

  18. I’m very glad she has shared her story with Eric. I think he is entitled to be a little hurt and wary, but I’m sure he will understand why she kept things from him. Really how can he not end up being touched by what she did? This is some gesture of love and commitment. I’m unable to trust the fairies and I’m always concerned about Compton. I wonder how Eric is going to handle him after her confession about the rape. Mel, everything you write is so perfect, I can visualize it all in my mind and really feel what they are going through. I love, love, love this (and you) and I can’t wait for more!! Thanks. Kathy ❤

  19. Very well written! Poor Sookie, poor Eric. There is just easy way for her. The only thing that gets me is Sookie has seen so much super natural is it really that far fetch about time travel. she could have said the truth to Eric then there would have been less hurt through lie and more amazement through truth…but how you have written it is still fantastic!!!!!!!!!

  20. Aw…. Sookie, Sookie now… Well, this is AuntieL (formerly known as AuntLynnie). My usual logins were all taken, so I picked a new one. 😀

    LOVED this chapter. Isn’t it just her luck to decide to tell him the truth, and then have something like THAT happen? I hope they’re able to work it out! They just HAVE to. I think he will try to understand. He knows that her guilt has been eating at her. He might be angry, but I think he’ll come around.

    The big question really is… will Eric kill Bill for something that hasn’t happened in this time line?

    I LOVE that she ripped Niall a new one. 😀

  21. Holy Cow! I think this might have been one of the best chapters yet! All the emotional struggles, which are so hard to get right, were amazing. I am so happy that she’s telling Eric everything, it was driving me crazy. And thank goodness she’s taking charge of her future and standing up to the fairies. I always liked Claudine, but in the way people like sharks or dangerous wild animals, like them but don’t really trust them or let down your gaurd much. Thank you for this absolutely amazing chapter. Can’t wait for the next one!

    Spaz

  22. I wonder, if I divorce my hubby, will you marry me and tell me stories all day long…LOL. Seriously though, I loved it. I can’t wait to see Eric’s reaction, and I really wouldn’t want to be Bill. I’m glad Sookie got some more crap off her chest, and even though I’m pretty sure Eric is gonna flip, he will calm down and give Sookie what she needs. Again, Great Chapter!!!!!!!!!!!

  23. I wonder why did the fairies came earlier for Sookie. Is good that she confessed all to Eric, especially since the queen knows about it.
    Missing Amelia.

  24. Wonderful chapter. I am still holding out hope that Eric will not die…because he did not actually die in the first time, he was about to die.

  25. First off I’m so happy the way Sookie told off Claudine and Niall. She took Sookie against her will ! They do that alot when they don’t get their way. I still don’t trust the fairies one bit. Even Claudine. They only look out for themselves.
    I also think Eric has no right to be mad at Sookie. She needed to protect herself first by not telling Eric everything. Hey she learned some of that from him. He’s a vampire he doesn’t always let her know things either. Like Niall getting in touch with him already. Glad that Sookie told him everything. It’s alot for Sookie to keep inside. It would eat her up.
    Great Chapter Reb. 🙂

  26. Wow, great chapter. So much happening here. I’m surprised the fairies found her already, but she did such a great job standing up to them. Wonderful. I’m glad she’s also come clean with Eric. It was going to kill them both to keep up the lie, so this is better. I just hope he understands now. I’m also really happy to see Sookie finally admit what Bill did. There’s a lot of power in simply saying those words, power she’s finally taking back from him. That’s one thing I never got in the books, how could she forgive him? Even if he was so out of it, it’s one thing to understand and another to act as if it never happened. But really, wonderful chapter.
    Cheers, Balti K

  27. So glad she told him everything. I hope he is more forgiving than she would have been to him. Poor Sookie, I’ll bet she feels better getting that off her shoulders. I love them speaking Old Norse. I hope that continues.

  28. And finally she reacts to what happened in that trunk in Jackson. The way CH just glossed over that horror in the books was almost criminal…This was a phenomenal chapter and I think perhaps she is doing things that will change the future..Niall knowing what happened could allow him to make a preemptive strike against Breadan..and perhaps take that spell off Dermot. And if Breadan is taken out, Claudine & her baby won’t be killed by him..Yep, definitely some possibilities here. Love this chapter..

  29. Holy Mother of God! THAT was one hell of a chapter! Im so hooked, its not even funny. Im so glad that Sookie told Eric, and I sure as hell wouldnt wanna be Bill right now, cause Im sure that Eric is gonna be so overcome with rage and bloodlust, its not gonna be a pretty picture. Im so proud of Sookie being strong and defiant against Claudine and Niall, cautious and know that she cant go soft towards them. Few thoughts and questions. Lets say Eric looses control and kills Bill for what he did to Sookie, present and future from both lifetimes, will an unplanned death that didnt happen in the future over throw the deaths that were supposed to happen, like a Final Destination type thing, skipping over the deaths that were suppossed to happen, and then people start dying that didnt in the future? Lol, hope that made sense. And for Sookies piece of mind, not having to explain every detail and relive every emotion, I think it would be beneficial to not only her, but to Eric and Pam as well, if Sookie contacted Amelia and Octavia in New Orleans. I think it would be awesome to have them come to Shreveport and Sookie could pay them and ask for them to make a spell to channel the minds eye view of all the memories she has of the future and her time with Eric and Pam up until the attempted murder of Eric into Eric and Pams mind. I think it would floor them both to virtually “see” all the events, and know that Sookie was not lying about any of it. It would be a journey of 2 years culminated into a session of 1 hours perhaps, and I think that would just be flipping awesome. I love your work Rebellina, and I hope you dont mind the ideas. Love ya and keep my Sookie nourishment coming!

  30. yeah, Sookie deserves that breakdown, I can only wonder how Eric is going to react to all of this though. I mean he doesn’t particularly appreciate people lying to him, but it’s pretty reasonable. I think he’ll be pissed as hell, but not at her. He will be angry at himself and everyone else that she went through everything. I also think you’re a kickass writer and I
    *heart* you bigtime. Great work!

  31. All her trauma coming back, I always thought why CH never acknowledge issue that affect Sookie mentally? Another great chapter, I wonder why you didn’t have Sookie warned about the coming war or the deaths to the fairies. Guess you have your reason, I thought Sookie has harsh on Claudine,but I enjoy this chapter all the same thank you.

  32. I agree with Erin, I was spellbound all the way through. I loved how Sookie told the fairies how it really is, that was brilliant.

    Poor girl though, having to tell Eric about everything all over again. He really will kill Bill this time.

    How can Sookie ever stop it all happening again? I guess you have some tricks up your crafty sleeve 🙂

    Thank you for a great read once again!

  33. Another wonderful chapter! I’m so relieved that Sookie has finally told Eric about the cluviel dor. I hope she goes back and tells him everything that happened the first time around even though it will hurt him. Then they can get passed it and work out how to save themselves from the same mistakes *together*. Looking forward to the next chapter already – you make me long for Wednesdays! 🙂

  34. Great chapter!! Very emotional and I’m glad you tackled this and these emotions for Sookie – its always overlooked! I hope Eric kills Bill now! I’m happy she finally told him…I wonder if she will tell him about the kiss too???

  35. Great chapter and progression. This was a seven-mile step for Sookie, and Eric’s reaction seems to be protective above all. This conversation will bring them even closer. Thanks!

  36. I loved it! I’m so happy she finally told Eric about everything. And of course he will forgive her, or the story would end too soon. (right!?)

  37. Fabulous update – Poor Sookie – everything is unraveling. Maybe Naill will have some ability to help her with keeping Eric alive. Thank you !!

    Jadajuice/juicy/susan

  38. This chapter was amazing! I was on the seat on my chair the whole time I was reading it. I have a bad feeling about Claudine and Niall and the rest of the fairies but hopefully they will leave her alone now that they know the whole story. I also hope that Eric forgives Sookie for keeping everything about the cluviel dor from him. I think that Sookie really needed to get all of this off of her chest and now that she has shewill really need Eric by her side. You really showed how much everything has been eating at her by keeping secrets and burying certain feelings and memories of her previous life. I can’t wait for more!

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